I Wanna Be Loved

In my life, I’ve found love & acceptance through:

Experiential Relationship Coaching

The Somatica Method® has been tremendously healing for me personally — it’s a form of relationship coaching (and my primary modality that I use with clients). 

Somatica is embodied relationship roleplay in a safe, communicative environment. 

When I discovered Somatica, I didn’t know what to think. It’s weird. But a friend was raving about it, so I signed on for the training. I’m glad I did.

We should all have a safe place to practice boundaries, asking for what we need, and exploring what we desire (without pressure or projection from a lover who’s also trying to get their needs met at the same time).

Therapy with a Woman

After years and years of therapy with men, working with a female therapist — across the gender divide — was a powerful way to address issues I had with women and femininity. 

If all you’ve had are same-gender therapists (and have done years and years of therapy, like I did) I hardily suggest diversifying.

As a coach, I often work with heterosexual women. This enables fantastic opportunities for projection, experimentation, and the resolution of my clients deepest issues.

If you need a place to put your (totally reasonable, appropriate) frustration with men, the patriarchy, or past lovers, holler at me. We’ll sort it out.

Men’s Work

Most people don’t know what this is. But  — as a dude with a pretty wicked avoidant attachment disorder — it was just what I needed to hold my feet in the fire of relationships.

At its best, a men’s circle is nude cage fighting in full vulnerability — with real blood and complete safety. Rigorous honesty. Impeccable accountability. Total openness.

I judge that it’s the cure for what ails the world. The culture of men’s work informs much of my work with clients.

My Own Relationships

There’s no classroom like the School of Hard Knocks. 

I was in a 20-year relationship with a woman who was a psychotherapist. I credit that experience (and her!) with my ability to communicate at depth. She’s a magnificent person who has my gratitude, respect, and condolences.

Later, a wild first date in Colombia made it clear how starched and shallow most of our connections are in the West. This relationship sparked an interest in gender polarity, a podcast, and — eventually, I promise — a book that will offer a more holistic, more inclusive theory of gender than the ideology of suppression currently favored in academia.

Finally, my friend Ely. She’s a fellow Somatica practitioner and an absolute light of a human being. We met up for a real-life “relationship lab” in Peru. Without the pressure of continued relationship, we both got to feel seen, safe, and loved. It was great practice. (Plus, there were baby alpacas.) If you’re interested in working with her, lmk.

I don’t believe in astrology unless it’s true

As often requested:

September 25th, 1981

Albuquerque, NM

@ 12:54 pm