What Women Want is Simple & Sane
So last week, I promised a sound bite describing what women want.
And last Thursday, I interviewed a Belgian woman on a boat ride up the Amazon.
She pretty much confirmed (again) what I’ve heard from every healthy woman I’ve ever met.
She described what she wanted in a man, and she didn’t say 6/6/6 (six-figure income/six-inch salami/six-foot body height).
Better yet, I know she wasn’t lying…
I always distrust people a little when they describe what they want in a partner…
Because we often don’t know what we want in a partner. Because a woman can say she wants kindness but will only date guys with motorcycles. Because we’re likely to say the desires that resonate with our public persona.
(Classic Freudian Slip: “My girlfriend’s eyes are her breast feature.”)
But, that night during the interview — as we sweated our asses off racing up the Amazon in the dark, deeper and deeper into Peru — she was authentic.
I know this because when the question came up — “So what are you attracted to in a man?” — she dug out her journal. She shared her personal notes that were never intended for public display.
She gave my podcast listeners her deepest, ideal-boyfriend truths — the ones she’s meditated on her whole life, without ever expecting a guy on a boat would ask to record her thoughts on mic.
What Women Want
It’s arrogant and simplistic to claim to know what women want.
But it’s true.
We can make some generalizations that apply to almost all women. These core desires differ across situations, eras of history, and personalities, but they remain core.
Women want to feel safe.
Women want to feel seen.
That’s it.
If those two things aren’t there, the relationship is toast. If they are, there’s a good chance of a devoted partnership or a hot sexual connection. Or both.
She will wrap her legs around you, and she won’t want to let go.
That sounds crazy, huh?
Despite all the dating propaganda focused on how we look, how much money we make, how charming/confident we are, and what kind of car we drive… when women get a taste of authenticity from a healthy man, they’re likely to start feeling the feels.
They feel it in their hearts, yes, but also in their hips. Safety is deeply sexual.
The thing is a lot of those typical “high-value-man” things (money, car, charisma) are signifiers of our ability to make women feel safe.
Yes, money matters — but not that much. You need to be self-sufficient. But money’s effect on your dating and relationship is minimal above a certain amount (or it correlates negatively — because you’re spending all your time at the office).
And here’s the delicious thing about women being able to earn equally as men:
With their financial needs met, girls start to value traits you — as a man — can easily control.
Better still — at this moment in our social evolution — most women (like 98%) haven’t experienced a healthy man in their life.
When they do, it’s like fireworks.
It’s like a cheat code.
It’s cheating because it’s not cheating; you’re genuine. You’re unique.
You’re the first self-aware, self-responsible man she’s ever met. And when you’re truly trustworthy too, she’s all yours.
There are no games to play other than the game of being human.
The Evolution of Safety
Safety used to mean earning a high income. Before that, it meant being strong and able to fend off attackers.
Here’s the deal: the things that create safety (for women) change over time. And the era we’re in now is different.
At this point in our societal evolution, physical safety isn’t as much of a concern as it once was. And if she’s earning equally, providing financial safety matters less too.
That’s great, though a little disorienting for the Red Pill Simps. Easier access to food and shelter is still awesome.
But the evolutionary wiring of our need to feel safe is still there. We’re flighty about checking our work email despite a full refrigerator and no threat to our physical safety. We fear expulsion from the tribe. We overreact (like it’s life-or-death) when our partner criticizes us.
For women, safety is hardwired even deeper.
For millenia, they’ve had a lesser ability to defend themselves and more vulnerability to threats (rape). This has been the situation for so long that their bodies are better adapted for threat detection.
I need to dig out the source (sorry) but women have better night vision and better hearing (which is why the hum from those curly light bulbs drives them nuts).
The Evolutionary Translation
Women’s heightened need for safety isn’t just in their biology. It’s in their psyche too.
That means — even though we’re way higher up Maslow’s Hierarchy and not worried about physical threats — safety is still a huge theme for women.
Even if she’s physically safe…
Even if she’s financially safe…
You — as a man — can provide a type of relational safety that she hasn’t experienced before. We’re higher up on Maslow’s pyramid — things are different — but for women, safety is still the most foundational part of connecting with a man. And it’s not centered on money or muscles.
It starts by owning your emotions and developing self-regulation. When you get to a place of sovereignty — where you have clear boundaries, standards, and the openness to speak them — you’re a much safer person to hang around with.
When you don’t need anything from any particular woman, that’s sovereignty. And with it arises an ability to be non-reactive and manage relational complexity.
This is hot.
That’s What She Said
The woman on the boat dug out her journal and listed her core desires for a partner:
Trustworthiness
Honesty
Dependability
Not money. Not looks. Not bravado.
I later met her boyfriend, which further confirmed the honesty of her journaling. He didn’t qualify as a “high-value man” according to a lot of BS you might read on the internet. He was broke, average-looking, and… cool.
So, there you have it.
There’s a lot more detail to add to this topic — such as how a man’s social orientation creates safety for a woman, or how animalistic sex is foundational to safety — but that’s all I got for you now.
If you’d like to follow the podcast, please do: “Polarity Unscripted” is an exploration of masculinity, femininity, and gender made available on Apple or Spotify.